my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
only if we run a train.
done.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
