There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
