If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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