hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
