Pants 0. Shit 1.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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