I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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