just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
