so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
