that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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