One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When are your genitals available?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
