why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we're making bets on your personal life
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You ruined the universe
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
