Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
