i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you inspire me to be a worse person
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
