When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
