??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
