well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
