don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
