dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
