I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
