My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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