Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
