Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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