youre lurking in front of me
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
