Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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