If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
