Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
