if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
