he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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