You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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