Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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