nut hugger
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
