i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
