I won't be sarcastic... just naked
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
