I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
her vagine was all disorganized.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it's like iHOP with fire
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
