Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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