i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
