You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
