i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
