you would pick up someone in the library
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
