Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
