There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
