Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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