So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
