if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
