Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
they need to just BURY HIM!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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