i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You've changed since you got that strap on
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
