Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Someone shattered a urinal.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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