you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
