Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
