i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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