New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
