just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
