I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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