Soap is not a condiment
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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