If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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