thus making me awesome and them whores
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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