it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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