VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
