The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
